Grateful Struggles (Sunday)

I had a whole different list of gratefuls than the one I am going to share now.
That was before the Storm hit.
You know how it goes (or maybe you don't?)
You get up in plenty of time to do all the necessaries; you are trying really hard.
You put on the lunch to cook in the slow cooker, you tidy up the kitchen; you get things ready; you are On Top of Things.

But all it takes is one little thing to knock over your carefully built house-of-emotional-cards.
And when you are Trying Hard, those cards fall down even quicker than usual.
This time it's an ungrateful child.
Ironic aye? Here I am working so hard to focus on being grateful myself, and one sneering ungrateful comment from a whippersnapper kid can knock me completely off my perch.
All my hard work to be Positive, to be Calm... suddenly *poof*
Calm GONE. Peace SHATTERED.

I find myself plunging downward rapidly, "Why do I even bother?" and all those other old stories come rushing back in a moment of weakness.

I retreat to my sanctuary. The storm subsides. I sit in stillness.
And find that in the stillness the gratitude comes back. But now I am not just grateful for my slow cooker and my microwave, I am grateful for a whole bunch of much deeper stuff.

I am grateful most of all for stillness. It's what I crave, what my soul needs most. When I sit and just be still, I find I can breathe again. The futility recedes, hopelessness abates. I "touch the hem" of Peace. The calm after a storm is a beautiful thing.

I am grateful for forgiveness, given and received. Imagine a world where there was no forgiveness. Where if you messed up there was no way back. Who could live with themselves in such a world?

 I am grateful that I am not a failure unless I give up. Failing is not the same as being "a failure". I get back up again. I try again. I keep going. I am not a failure.

I am grateful that I decided to keep doing this every day, even on the weekend. I just know that had I NOT committed to this, my "failings" would have derailed me and this would have been just one more tried-and-failed project. I am a good starter but not a great finisher (exercise, eating habits, discipline, homework, housework...) Consistency is something I struggle with. I have never (NEVER) mastered the art of consistency, in anything. This time I really want to finish what I have started.

That's it really. I'm still here. Being grateful.

The Grateful Project is not about being Pollyanna-ish and looking at everything with rose tinted glasses.

It is not about being in denial about the struggles and the battles and the failings. It's about in the midst of all that mess, finding some golden nuggets and focusing on those.

It's about letting the blessings in my day loom larger than the things that suck.

If you want to join in with The Grateful Project, grab a notebook and pen and just start writing down something every morning that you are grateful for. To connect with others who are doing it you can use #thegratefulproject on Twitter and Instagram, or leave me a comment here on my blog.

You know what I am grateful for most of all? That I started doing The Grateful Project.
This time I'm going to see it through.

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