{For Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writers Workshop; Writing prompt #2: Write a dramatic synopsis of a memorable day in your life, as if it was a movie or TV series}
What happens when Bridget Jones' Kiwi cousin, forty thirty-something Simone, marries a Brit, has three kids, and tries to navigate motherhood in a Honda Odyssey around suburban Auckland...?
Cast
- Simone Jones (Bridget's long lost cousin): played by Janeanne Garofolo (with the help of a stepladder)
- Mr G (the Brit husband): played by Gerard Butler (mmmmm)
- Dash: Played by Billy Elliot (they have the same freckles)
- Miss Fab: Played by herself (this movie sees Miss Fab's Hollywood debut)
- Scrag: Played by Cruz Beckham (his double)
- The Store Clerk: played by Orlando Bloom (cos he was in the neighbourhood shooting The Hobbit)
Scene #21:
Mannequin Dancing
Filmed on Location: Cotton-On Outlet Store, St Lukes Mall
{Music: Beautiful Day by U2}
[Camera pans across parking lot as dented silver Odyssey pulls into carpark right outside store.
Close up shot of Simone as she slaps on some lippy and flicks her sunnies onto the dashboard.
SIMONE: {Voiceover} Dear Diary...
Its been six days since my last confession. Pounds Lost: Nil... Pounds Gained: Three.
Today I had the shopping trip from hell and met one total plonker of a shop assistant. All I have to show for my day is bloddy bruised shins... I knew I should have stayed in bed...
Music fades to background as Simone exits Odyssey and opens car door.
Camera: Zooms to all the crap that falls out onto the pavement... soda cups, chip packets, old shoes, McDonald toys...]
SIMONE: Oh crap. I only cleaned this up last week.
[scoops the worst of it back into the car; unstraps Scrag from his crumb-ridden booster seat and slams the door quickly before more crap falls out.]
SIMONE: Yes, we get a new shirt for daddy to dress up like Woody for your party. Daddy has very big muscles; we have to find a big one!
SCRAG: Oh. OK Mummy... Daddy strong?
SIMONE: Yes... daddy strong... and very very good-looking...
[Camera follows them into the store. Simone starts rifling through racks of check shirts while Scrag heads to the lingerie section. He spots a mannequin dressed in a lacy pink bra and undies.
Camera swings back to Simone and zooms in on her face as she realises Scrag is not with her. She starts turning her head this way and that...
Camera scans store as if through her eyes, jumping here, there... slides past underwear-clad mannequin then stops and returns, zooms in on Scrag who is giggling mischievously as he slides his hands up the mannequins legs and pulls down her pink lace undies]
SIMONE: Scrag! Stop it Scrag! Hey! Stop that!
[Simone runs towards Scrag but everything turns to slow motion... Scrag is now hugging the mannequin; the mannequin starts to topple... Simone tries to grab it but it splits in half at the waist and she starts to fall... Music swells...
SIMONE: NOOOooooooooo....!
[the round metal base comes up and whacks Simone full force on the shins as she collapses on top of it. Camera: Zoom in on her butt sticking up in the air]
SIMONE: Oooowwwwww! Scrag!!! What did you do that for? Naughty!!
SCRAG: I sorreeee Mummeeeeee...
[Camera follows Simone as she gets up and hobbles down the aisle, limping painfully on her deeply bruised shins. The Store Assistant rushes towards her... music fades...]
STORE ASSISTANT: Is she OK?
SIMONE: She? me? Um oh, the mannequin...?!?
STORE ASSISTANT (impatiently: Is she BROKEN?
SIMONE: Yes, um, no, um... she fell over... I don't know...
[Store Assistant pushes past Simone who is left gazing quizzically at his retreating back, camera follows her gaze as Store assistant lovingly restores the Underwear Mannequin to her rightful self, talking softly to her under his breath...]
[Camera turns back to Simone; zooms in on her bruised and bleeding shins; then pans to a mid shot of Simone and Scrag (who is completely oblivious and dancing on the spot).
Simone shrugs, sighs and starts limping away... Music swells as Simone exits the store empty-handed, gets painfully into her Odyssey and drives away... FADE TO BLACK]
......
Disclaimer: Characters depicted in this tale bear great resemblance to persons living, not dead. However they may or may not bear any resemblance to the actors that played them. And yes, sorry Gerard Butler was not in this scene but we just wanted to include him anyway.
Simone may have completely embarrassed herself in a popular store by dancing with a mannequin and falling on her face. It did in fact take six weeks for the bruising to go down. This story was not exaggerated even slightly for dramatic effect. No legal action was taken. Though we have not been back {in case they recognised us}. Scrag's fascination with pink lace undies remains a mystery...
