Back in the days when I was being woken every night by multiple little sleepers, when my body was a milk-cow and toddler tantrums were destroying my peace, I would look enviously at the mothers of school-agers and think, lucky them. Their troubles are over.
I imagined that life with "big kids" would be... easy. Enjoyable. Simpler.
Now I shake my head over my naive new-mother-self. Poor deluded then-Simoney. How wrong you were.
Yes life is easier when you having full nights of unbroken sleep most of the time. Yes endless breastfeeding and nappy changing and baby-crying is incredibly draining and bloody hard work.
But. Life with school-aged kids is no picnic in the sun either.
There are battles. All kinds of them. Battles that test your courage, require wisdom and call into question your parenting tactics.
That is where I am here and now.
In the middle of a battle with a beloved school-ager.
So today, I am looking for things to love about the here and now.
Because I know that even in the midst of struggle, there are still things to love and be thankful for...
So here goes.
Loving Lunchboxes
I have to pat myself on the back for the little things I am getting right. And my lunchboxes, I have to say, are a work of healthy art. Just look at what's in there today for Miss Fab.
A ham-salad sandwich on home-baked gluten free bread. Fresh pineapple. Cherry tomatoes & cucumber. Chopped up apple and apricot. Yoghurt. A Corn thin with nutella. Dash has his own version. Scrag even has one. Full of fruit and healthy snacks.
Today I feel like a good mama because I am feeding my kids good things.
Loving Eating Good Things
Loving this Pitango Vegetable Korma. Delicious, convenient, satisfying. (Dairy Free, gluten free, preservative free - all natural) $7.50 for a pouch from the supermarket; feeds two. Makes for a pretty cheap meal. I'll be getting that again.
I am on day nine of my Detox Diet (i.e. the Daniel Fast). We are eating well. I have had to become inventive and more creative with my cooking. When you are limited to only plant-based foods, you have to think outside the box. And I am. I am proud of myself for sticking at it. And I plan to continue, but slowly add in some meat and dairy.
Loving my Window Seat sanctuary. And my new tea-towel cushion covers. And Peace.
Kiwiana kitsch. Love them. $5 teatowels from a discount store. Stitched two new ones yesterday.
Loving sitting here in the sunshine, the breeze ruffling my curtains. A Red Bush tea on the windowsill. The sound of silence.
And knowing that I sent my kids off to school today without raising my voice. I decided, right, if you want to drag your heels, I'm not going to get upset about it. You are the ones who will have to go to the office and get a late stamp. Shame. So from now on, no more yelling. If you want to be on time, that will require teamwork. And it's up to you. I am not going to shout or be anxious.
I've told them, from now on it's up to them. Get organised, do their part or be late. Yeah, we'll see how that one pans out. But right now I am loving my new peaceful policy.
Loving my Backyard (and finding these photos on my old camera, taken by Miss Fab)
What can I say. I love the trees. I love the green. The space. My new grass. Even overgrown and needing mowing. I love that when I go outside my kids follow me. I love that when I lounge on my daybed under the grapevine with a book or a cup of tea, my kids emerge blinking into the sunlight. They hop on their bikes. They climb the trees. They bounce on the tramp. If I'm outside, they're outside. So that's where I need to be.
{also loving that we have cancelled Sky TV. And bought a Freeview HD recorder instead, which I wangled a $160 discount on. Feeling proud of my shopping instincts}
Loving My Little People
Oh so much. Loving. Loving. Loving them.
Loving This boy, my troubled one.
Loving that he still wants to snuggle me. Loving that he still talks to me. Loving reading him Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the last few nights. And looking at his baby pictures, reminding him how much he is treasured. It's so easy for older kids to feel like they are no longer as precious now that they aren't so cute. I remember feeling that way. But looking back at those photos, and sharing the little stories connected to them... I asked him how he felt after looking at the pictures.
"They cheered me up a bit.." he conceded. So I reminded him, You are just as precious to mummy and daddy now as you were in those photos. I hope he starts to believe it.
Loving This Girl, my only girl.
She gets a bit put out when she sees me focusing on the one who's struggling. I try to explain why he needs me right now. But she's only six. She doesn't get it.
So I try to find ways to include her. Don't get grumpy when she comes out of bed and complains that her brother is getting to have snuggle time, Invite her in. When she pouts because the pictures are all of him, find ways to tell stories about her too. Invite her to listen to Charlie. We're up to Augustus Gloop.
When she huffs and puffs because it's not her book, keep on reading. When she sneaks up under the blankets and wriggles in close, be glad, keep reading. And when you finally get to tuck her into bed, an hour past her bedtime, give her an extra big smoochy kiss and squeeze her while you whisper "I love you so much."
Loving This Boy, my last baby.
Loving getting out of the house with him yesterday. Playing at the park. Taking him for "Coffee" across the street {Me = a soy chai latte; him = a kids hot chocolate which he dripped all down his t-shirt}
Loving listening to him play with a buddy and hearing their conversations.
Then daddy comes home for lunch and the friend runs to Mr G waving an old toy dinosaur... "This is old, this dinosaur old!" he says knowledgeably.
Mr G is impressed. "Yes yes the dinosaur is old!"
Scrag chimes in, "And my daddy old tooooo!" Tee hee.
Loving waking up with Buzz Lightyear in my bed. Ouch.
"Don't throw Buzz out, mummy!" Scrag says. "He come in peace!"
Do I need to go on? I love that boy. And so right now I'd better get off here and go take him to play with his friend around the corner. Where my friend, a wise mother of a nine-year-old may just have some insight to our situation.
I hope so. Cos I am so loving my kids. And hoping they know it.