I've been gritting my teeth, determined that this week shall be filled with Christmas Spirit.
I wrote a list (I checked it twice).
The plan filled our days with Christmas activities, including plenty of focus on giving.
Watch the Nativity Movie.
Choose gifts for the poor kids in Africa from the Smiles catalogue.
Catch the train into the City and visit Santa in the Enchanted Forest.
Go to the giant telecom Tree, phone Santa, walk to see the Christmas lights on Franklin Road.
Gather up unneeded items from home and donate to the City Mission.
Do a photo-hunt for Angel Wings around the city - each photo posted on the City Mission's FB wall gives them $5 from their sponsor.
Make a gift box for our neighbour who recently lost her sister.
Finish off with our traditional Polar Express Movie Night complete with hot chocolate and popcorn.
{somehow fit in all the other Christmas Prep. Food. Present wrapping. All that mundane stuff.}
After a couple of days of thwarted plans, whinging and complaining kids, I was seriously asking myself: Why did I bother??
The Nativity Movie was of course way too slow moving for my kids. We gave up not very far into it after having to pause it so many times to shush them. When they were finally in bed and we'd pushed play once more, Mr G got a phone call and went off to answer it only returning as the credits rolled. Suckage. I really wanted to focus on the reason for the season.
The visit to Santa involved a one-hour wait in a long hot line of wriggling kids and tired adults. Only to have Scrag refuse point blank to go anywhere near Santa, as he pressed himself wailing into a corner and trembled with fear.
The Christmas lights were also a bust. "I'm tired!" "My legs are going to break!" "Why couldn't we just take the car??!!?" "I'm leaving this family!" (because we are so mean making him walk and forcing Christmas cheer upon him). Grrrr.
By yesterday morning I had all-but given up.
"What are we doing today, mum??" they all wanted to know. "Where are we going??"
Nowhere. We are going nowhere. Staying home. Postponing the angel wing photo hunt. Postponing the Polar Express night.
We cleaned up and sorted out things to give away instead. Miss Fab helped me sort through her stuff and clean her room in readiness for Christmas. Then I attacked the linen cupboard and the boys room. We collected quite a haul to take to the Mission. Nice clothes, outgrown. Duvet sets and cot bedding, no longer needed. Books, toys. And a gift each wrapped for "the poor children" by Miss Fab, labelled by her "to a boy from our famuly" "to a girl from our famuly".
Later we rode bikes to the park. Then put up the paddling pool and the kids splashed around.
An early night tonight, I reminded everyone.
Miss Fab wanted to wrap more pressies. We had been shopping for gifts for her to give. She wrapped each one thoughtfully and carefully. I sat there watching her and holding the sellotape, thinking, this is what I love. Seeing her enjoy giving.
Later I began wrapping my mountain of pressies while Christmas music played. Dash crept in and said, "Watcha doin'?"
I invited him to help me. We sat on my bed, wrapping gifts and he asked me about Christmas when I was kid. What was my favourite thing? What kind of things did I get for Christmas then? What did I hope to get this year?
"You just wait mum, I think you're gonna love it!" he said, referring to the gift he has picked out for me.
Today we will go to the Mission, take our pile of donations and hunt for some angel wings.
In a more relaxed fashion.
Because as I have discovered (the hard way), it's the little things. The simple things. Wrapping a gift together. Cleaning up rooms together.
So here's to a relaxed happy and un-try-hard Christmas.
Merry Christmas to you and all your family from me and mine.
God Bless and I hope at some point you do get a warm fuzzy moment where you capture the Spirit of what Christmas is all about.

xx