Scrag's Guide to Getting Attention

!!TOP SECRET!! EYES ONLY!! SECURITY CLEARANCE REQUIRED!!

By Agent Scrag

Babies, we have a problem. Our parents are busy people. Our cuteness is no longer enough to guarantee large chunks of focused attention from them. We must up-the-ante. We must use all our skills to secure for ourselves maximum attention!

 

Attention Obstacle #1: The Computer

The computer is stealing our mothers' attention away from us. We must fight back.

Strategy 1: Power Off

If your mother is spending too much time blogging, a stealth attack could be the answer. Her full attention will be fixed on the screen so all you need to do is sneak under her chair and hit the power button. Warning! This will only work the first few times. After that she will become attuned to your presence under her chair if it threatens her power source.

Strategy 2: Up Close & Personal

Shouting in her ear alone is no good. She has had years of practise tuning out noisy demands. You must climb up behind her on her chair and then pull her hair. That's right, people. I said pull. And I mean pull it hard. No wimpy tickling or she will just think you are giving her a head massage. Yank it till she squeals. This is a very effective way to get her attention.

Strategy 3:  Sabotage

Once she has grown wise to these initial tactics, you will have to become more aggressive. As I said, she will have her attention firmly on the screen and as long as you are not climbing under her chair or pulling her hair, she will ignore you.

I recommend going for the jugular: the makeup purse. If your mother is like mine, she always forgets to put her things away because she's in a rush in the morning. So get in there, pull the stuff out and go to town with the eyeshadow.

When you've had enough, appear at her shoulder smeared in makeup. I guarantee you this will get her attention. She will have to spend quite some time cleaning up the mess you've made. Even better if you've just eaten banana and/or have a snotty nose. She won't know whether the globs on her purse are edible or... not.

Other Attention Obstacles:
Any of the above strategies can be employed to take attention away from these obstacles and put it back firmly where it belongs: on us!

~television
~telephone
~adult conversation
~siblings
~chores

You may wish to try some of my other attention-getting tricks...

Clean the toilet yourself...

Strip naked and smear toothpaste all over the bath (and yourself)...

Help with the laundry...

Throw everything out of your cot. And I mean EVERYTHING.

Do a woopsy in your nappy. Make it a really whiffy one that she can't ignore. Stay close by for maximum effect.

Climb on her knee and give her gooby kisses... then shout "lah-you-mummeee!"

These methods are all guaranteed winners. Goodnight and Good Luck!

PS: Mummy found this coded message and decided to post it to cheer herself up after she found what I did to her makeup. She said if she didn't laugh, she'd cry. Mothers!!!