Calm

Thankyou so much everyone who left me messages and who also prayed for me over the last day or so. You'll be glad to know I am feeling so much better, and I'm sure that a lot of it has to do with your prayers.

I wrote that post about the Black Dog, because I have never tried to put it into words how I feel while I am in that state... and I really needed those close to me to understand. I wrote it first in Word, just to let it out.
Then I decided to post it here.

From so many messages and emails I know I'm not alone in this battle... there are so many of us who have faced down the Black Dog.

I think the thing that scares me the most is what that mongrel may do to my family, what scars he may leave.

I thought a lot about Cat's comment: What would happen if you stopped running? I guess feeling of "running" is a sense of panic because everything around me seems to jar my senses, causing me to scream in pain and anger. Stillness is the antidote... a hard commodity to find in a house full of boisterous children.

On the practical side, I had run out of medication a couple of days earlier, and was seemingly fine... until Friday afternoon when all of a sudden I was Not Fine. I managed to call my doctor and get an emergency prescription faxed through to my pharmacy before the Long Weekend.

By last night I was calmer, after a quiet day.
Mr G was very supportive and seemed to understand better what was happening after reading my post. This morning I put on some Music, the kind that is like Soul Medicine. It soothed me further and I felt my heart lift and knew that the black thing was behind me.

I was thinking what I should have done in the moment was call in The Dog Whisperer. I called my mum... I should have called Jesus first.
I should have put on that Music sooner. Maybe I could have painted. I was alone in the house with the kids and Mr G was still at work with his phone off and I felt all alone with that mongrel.
But Thankyou, my friends who called out for me. Thanks for shouting at the Black Dog on my behalf.

That Mutt is safely locked away again.
x

The Songs that Soothed Me...

From My Redeemer Lives by Nicole C Mullins

The very same God that spins things in orbit

Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak

And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken

They conquered death to bring me victory
Now I know, my Redeemer lives

I know my Redeemer lives

Let all creation testify

Let this life within me cry

I know My Redeemer lives...

Carry Me Away by JuliaGrace

i climb a mountain with no summit

i race without a finish line

test the depths of endless water

live out the sentence that is mine

i'm the waterfall that's burst and now we're drowning

i'm the heart that learnt to beat just as it broke

i'm the voice that's frozen into silence

i'm the song that my spirit never wrote

carry me away, carry me away

i know much more than I am feeling

i win more battles than i lose

i'm taller now than when i suffered

i've gained ability to choose

i'm the child that will not leave the hand that holds me

i'm the heart that learns to beat in time with truth

i'm the complicated picture of humanity

i'm the spirit that is full of you

and if i stay here, will you comfort me

if the tears fall down, will you rescue me

carry me away, carry me away

to a dream that was almost fading

carry me away, carry me away

i know you, you're strong enough to save me

Top Photo & Paintings from my Visual Journal

Other Photos from GoogleImages