The Mysterious Case of the Missing Phone

10.24pm. All's quiet in Kidville. Suddenly something strange catches my eye - the telephone handset status reads: Line in Use. Strange. There's nobody on the phone, nobody here but me and my associate, Detective G. Someone must have left the other handset "on".


To our consternation the other handset's charger is empty. The phone is nowhere to be seen.

We ponder this anomaly and both jump to the same obvious conclusion: It's got to be The Scrag. This rascal is well known to have a thing for phones. He has often been spotted pushing buttons randomly and wandering through the house gabbling to himself whenever he manages to find a phone within reach.

Immediately I begin my search for the other handset... who knows how long the line has been tied up? Who knows how many important calls we have missed? Who knows which international countries he has called?

Detective G employs his trusty torch: we scour under couch cushions (nothing but crumbs), in toyboxes and under every couch, bed and cabinet in the house. All we manage to find is a missing sippy bottle and a collection of little balls which had been making friends with the local dust bunnies (more evidence of Scrag's involvement).

To catch a Scrag I must think like a Scrag.

I take the torch and go outside... he could have dropped it behind the porch steps in his aimless scragging?

Finally out of desperation (and thoughts of phone calls to China) I pray: "Please help us find that phone!"

Detective G asks, have I checked the Princess's neighbourhood? Sure, a brief foray. But everyone knows Scrags do not hang out there much as she keeps her door shut to prevent his ransacking.

But something seems to tell me to check again. I open her closet. Suddenly I am blinded by a light reflecting off the mirror ball and hear two short sharp beeps which sound suspiciously like... the missing phone! [Cue Twilight Zone Theme music]

My heart starts to beat faster. The phone must be here somewhere! I call in Detective G and he puts his trusty torch to use again. We empty toy boxes, checking everywhere Scrag could have stashed the phone. Tantalisingly we hear two more beeps. It seems to be coming from... a handbag?


Surely not? I open the bag and snatch out... The Missing Phone. Zipped into a handbag that could only belong to The Princess.

We have been chasing the wrong criminal. Shame!

Lesson Learned: Never assume anything. To assume is to make an Ass out of U and Me.

The phone is restored to it's charger. No messages. No calls to China. Phew. Mystery solved.

Only one question remains: If the phone was zipped into the bag, how did the light shine and reflect on the mirror ball??? (Twilight Zone theme music again).

I guess some things will remain a mystery...